ACT, its best friend COMPASSION, and DEFUSION TECHNIQUES

ACCEPTANCE AND COMMITMENT THERAPY (ACT) – AN ONLINE RESOURCE of inspirational quotes, poems and other act goodies!

And introducing COMPASSION, ACT’s best friend!

Q: How can I stop myself going round in circles and hurting myself?

A: Use some defusion techniques

We’ve all done it, haven’t we? We’ve caught a glimpse of something, overheard a snippet of conversation, thought someone was talking about us behind our backs, and there we go, or rather there our mind goes, making a mountain out of a molehill.

We can’t possibly know exactly what is happening, after all we only caught a glimpse, heard a few words, saw a brief gesture, but it is enough for our mind to be up and running. Within no time, our mind, our marvellous mind, has concocted a story, interpreted a situation, filled in all the blanks and then some. Before long we are hostage to our thoughts, our troublesome thoughts, to our stories, our horror stories, and we can’t shake them off. The more we try the worse they get, the stickier they become. Once we are caught up in the downward spiral who knows where it will lead.

This is all very painful. Many a sleepless night has been suffered as a result of just a glance, just a snippet. Logic goes out of the window once we are in thrall to our run-away mind. Sometimes we keep it to ourselves, sometimes the pain spills over and out until we are offloading it onto others. Harsh words are spoken, accusations are made, friendships are broken, family rifts are instigated, all on the strength of just a glance, just a snippet.

This is awful. Damage to ourselves, damage to others. Hurt to ourselves, hurt to others. Misunderstandings spiral out of control. Once the genie is out of the bottle it may be impossible to stuff it back in.

Better far that it never escapes at all. But this is easier said than done, especially when we are in so much pain inside. So what to do? In Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT) happily there are plenty of practical strategies we can use to reduce the pain without needing to inflict it on others. Thought Defusion Techniques like labelling our stories, repeating the titles in silly voices, really can reduce the sting. Bleaching the colour out of the glance, the glimpse, can also help. When we keep playing the image in technicolour on our mental screen that keeps it alive. When we can reduce it to a blurry black and white that can do wonders.

These strategies may sound simplistic but just because they are simple it doesn’t mean that they don’t work. Far from it. It is because they are simple that we can reach for them and use them. It doesn’t take a genius to think up a title, to say it repeatedly in a silly voice or to make a mental image fuzzy and dreary. It just takes commitment. So let’s do it. Let’s be kind to ourselves and do what we can to help ourselves. We have nothing to lose but our pain.

I wrote “IT WAS JUST A GLANCE” to remind me of that.

HOW ABOUT YOU?

• How do you stop yourself going round in circles?
• Are you willing to give these strategies a go?
• What can you share that might be of help to others?

Please leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY

POEM FOR TODAY

IT WAS JUST A GLANCE

When we wake up in the morning it is possible that we

Are flooded through with thoughts and feelings we don’t like essentially,

As maybe worry starts to spiral or resentment hooks us in

And we get beaten up by stories that our mind begins to spin.

It maybe by chance we caught a glance of something we’ve construed

As a hostile act against us, and now it won’t be subdued

And it has taken hold within us, it’s an image we can’t shift,

It keeps popping up repeatedly, but it is in our gift

To deal with it more effectively, we have the tools at hand,

To employ our mind to understand a glance we can withstand

If we will treat it with a kindliness, oh here it comes again,

It is the glance I caught by chance but now that glance I’ll re-explain.

I will give it now a title, “It was just a glance,” will do,

And I will say it in a funny voice each time it passes through,

And I’ll remind myself it’s just a flash upon my mental screen,

And it is me who keeps it going ‘stead of wiping the screen clean.

And maybe ‘twill take a little while this image to downgrade,

But every time I use a silly voice, I’ll feel its impact fade

Until it’s just another storyline which currently is here,

And given a silly voice and title pretty soon ‘twill disappear.

© Corinne Shields, 2018

If you enjoyed “IT WAS JUST A GLANCE” please pass it on, and do leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.

And just before you go …..

A final word from ACT, and its best friend COMPASSION ……..

Defusion is one of the major tenets of ACT. It is a God-send when thoughts are spiralling out of control, when we are going round in circles and can’t get a certain image out of our mind.

For more information about Defusion techniques check out the website at getselfhelp.co.uk

The ones I have mentioned here, the labelling, the funny voices and the bleaching of the technicolour to monochrome, work for me, but there are many others. Remember, you have nothing to lose but your pain, so why not give them a go?

ACTivation Point!

SO ……………………….

How about YOU?

What can YOU do just for today to ACTivate your life? What can YOU do just for today to add some Compassion, some Kindness, into your life?

 Just for today I will ………………………

If you have read this far, please do leave your comments. How is ACT helping you? Is Compassion part of your life?

I am a student of ACT, I am learning about Compassion.  I am on a journey.  I would love you to join me.

With all good wishes

Corinne

ACT and Childish Thinking

ACCEPTANCE AND COMMITMENT THERAPY (ACT) – AN ONLINE RESOURCE of inspirational quotes, poems and other act goodies! 

Q:  How can I cope better with troublesome thoughts?

A:  Develop a different relationship with them.

Troublesome thoughts can drive us mad, fearful thoughts can paralyse us.  How many times have our thoughts stopped us doing things we wanted to do?  How often have we woken up in a panic, heart pounding, stomach churning, hostage to a mind that is going round in circles?  We have all  been there.  We all know what it is like to be swept away by our thoughts to dark places we would far rather not visit.  What to do?  That is the question.

Well there are many ways that we can deal with our troublesome thoughts but one of the most effective for me is to adopt an ACT strategy.  ACT encourages us to develop a different relationship with our thoughts.  ACT reminds us that we are more than our thoughts, more than our feelings.  We are the thinker, we are the great story teller, we are conjuring up all these images that play out movies in our minds.

Often our automatic thoughts, our immediate reactions spring from things that have happened in childhood.  As powerless little children we developed coping strategies to survive, we internalised core beliefs from our families of origin that may or may not be helpful now.  When we have strong powerful reactions and thoughts to things that happen now, it is helpful to see if some of those reactions are products of past childish thinking that is no-longer relevant.  This means creating some distance and developing a different relationship with our thoughts.  This is helpful.

I wrote “CHILDISH THINKING” to remind me of that.

HOW ABOUT YOU?

• How do you cope with your troublesome thoughts?
• Are you willing to develop a new relationship with them?
• What can you share that might be of help to others?

Please leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY

 

POEM FOR TODAY

CHILDISH THINKING

 

It maybe hopes have faded, we are jaded, out of sorts,

And we’re troubled more than normal by those pesky little thoughts

That keep swirling round in circles ‘til our head is fit to burst,

We are desperate to do something, but don’t know what to do first.

In this instance, there’s a process we can kick-start straight away,

We can make a bit of distance, watch our pesky thoughts at play,

And remember we’re the thinker, we’re imagining it all,

And this moment of awareness means our thoughts begin to stall.

And we can go one step further, hold our thoughts now to account,

And regard them with some rigour as our fears begin to mount,

We can dig them from their hiding place and hold them to the light,

And demand of them some answers, “Are you wrong, or are you right?”

And it could be very likely that we’ll find they’re fantasy,

Just some phantoms from our past cavorting as reality,

And though we’ll honour and acknowledge them for whence they came and why,

If we’re seekers of the truth, we will not on those thoughts rely.

And then we’re ready for the next step, and it’s one that may seem strange,

As we switch from doom and gloomy thoughts to nice thoughts for a change,

And as we conjure up a picture show of shimmering success

We’re no longer sabotaging the potential we possess.

And it may seem a tall order, after all we’ve long been held

Hostage to our childish thinking, and it is not easy quelled,

But if we recognise its origin, we now have power to say,

“Whilst I thank you for your thoughts, I’m in a different place today.”

© Corinne Shields, 2017

If you enjoyed “CHILDISH THINKING“ please pass it on, and do leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.

And just before you go …..

A final word from ACT …..

Although not strictly speaking an ACT book, I would like to recommend Lauren Mackler’s book:

Today’s poem, “CHILDISH THINKING” was inspired by a process she describes entitled “The Five Steps to Managing Fear”.

Sometimes you come across a book which resonates with you.  It is there at the right time and you are in the right place to appreciate it.  That is how I felt when I opened the first pages of “Solemate”.  Maybe you will enjoy it too.

ACTivation Point!

SO ……………………….

 

How about YOU?

What can YOU do just for today to ACTivate your life?

 Just for today I will ………………………

If you have read this far, please do leave your comments. How is ACT helping you?

I am a student of ACT.  I am on a journey.  I would love you to join me.

With all good wishes

Corinne

ACT and Delusion and Defusion

ACCEPTANCE AND COMMITMENT THERAPY (ACT) – AN ONLINE RESOURCE of inspirational quotes, poems and other act goodies!

Q:  How can I resist the siren songs?

A:  Don´t believe everything you hear.

Just because we think something doesn’t mean that it’s right; just because we think something repeatedly doesn’t mean that it’s true.  In fact there is a good case for saying that anything that we think automatically, habitually, we would do well to treat with scepticism.

Research shows that about 80% of our thoughts are automatic and, unfortunately, negatively automatic!  There is a good evolutionary reason for this.  Thinking automatically frees us up to scan our environment for threats, for dangers.  The human organism has evolved with a default position for survival and hooray for that!  It has ensured the survival of the species, but let’s not fall into the trap of believing that everything we think is true.  Automatic thoughts are automatic because we have thought them so often that we have hard wired our brains to produce them.  That doesn’t make them true, it just makes them automatic.

If we have automatic thoughts that are unhelpful let’s remember that ACT has a strategy to help us to deal with them more skilfully.   It’s called Defusion.

I wrote “SIREN SONGS” to remind me of that.

HOW ABOUT YOU?

• How do you cope with your siren songs?
• Are you able to create distance, to treat them with scepticism?
• What can you share that might be of help to others?

Please leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY

POEM FOR TODAY

SIREN SONGS

 

Maybe we have a story we have told ourselves so long

That we’ve forgotten how it hurts us when we heed its siren song,

And how when we fall for its treachery, its seeming to be true,

We are deafened to the real truth that’s what siren songs will do.

They will whisper in the small hours when we may be feeling low,

Feed our tender insecurities, take pleasure as they grow,

And when we are at our weakest they urge us to action take,

And drown out the voice of reason in decisions that we make.

For a siren song is powerful, it lures us constantly

As it pretends to be a friendly port in an unfriendly sea,

And although it’s much frequented, that won’t mean that it must last,

For there’ll come a time when siren songs are best left in the past.

And although it won’t be easy to resist the siren call,

If we turn to our awareness then the siren call can stall,

And if we tune in to our values, and change course despite our fears,

Then the siren song’s receding and it’s falling on deaf ears.

© Corinne Shields, 2016

If you enjoyed, “SIREN SONGS” please pass it on, and do leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.

And just before you go …..

A final word from ACT …..

Defusion is the key to unlock us from our automatic thoughts, our habitual stories.  Awareness of what is happening and making contact with our Self as Context is our path to freedom.  Creating a different relationship with our thoughts and seeing ourself as The Thinker and not the thought can empower us hugely.

When we understand that evolution has conspired to ensure our survival and that automatic negative thinking is an important part of that process maybe that will help us to take our thoughts less seriously.

For more on all of this, Delusion and Defusion, there are some great Defusion techniques at getselfhelp.co.uk.  Check them out; I found them really useful.

ACTivation Point!

SO ……………………….

How about YOU?

What can YOU do just for today to ACTivate your life?

 Just for today I will ………………………

If you have read this far, please do leave your comments. How is ACT helping you?

I am a student of ACT.  I am on a journey.  I would love you to join me.

With all good wishes

Corinne

ACT and Healthy Options

ACCEPTANCE AND COMMITMENT THERAPY (ACT) – AN ONLINE RESOURCE of inspirational quotes, poems and other act goodies!

Q:  What can I do in the midst of turbulent events?

A:  Choose a healthy option!

Even in the midst of turmoil and uncertainty we have a choice to choose a healthy option.   Sometimes it doesn’t seem so.   Sometimes we are so overwhelmed by events that we forget that we always do have a choice.  We may not be able to change an event but we can choose how we react to it; we may not be able to alter a circumstance but we can choose our attitude towards it.

ACT is very keen to remind us that it is not so much what we view as right or wrong that will make a difference, but rather what is the most effective action we can take.   What will work for us, what will move us towards a desired outcome, what actions are most in line with our values, this is what matters in ACT.   ACT also reminds us that we are not just our thoughts, we are more than our stories.  Learning to recognise this helps us to create a space, to defuse.  Defusion is a healthy option.

I wrote “HEALTHY OPTIONS ” to remind me of that.

HOW ABOUT YOU?

• Are you able to choose healthy options?
• How is defusion helping you to cope with difficult thoughts?
• What can you share that might be of help to others?

Please leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY

POEM FOR TODAY

HEALTHY OPTIONS

 

It may be we are scattered, there is so much going on,

Mind goes mad amongst the mayhem, something’s starting, something’s gone,

And we’re drowning in uncertainty where certainty once reigned,

And ‘twill take a bit of time before composure is regained.

Oh Mind loves to have illusion of a being in control,

And dislikes it when it’s challenged or cast in a minor role,

When the concepts it’s constructed are now threatened in some way,

Like someone has torn their roots out and they lie in disarray.

Yes, it takes a bit of time before realities sink in,

Before the winds of change can rearrange and healing can begin,

And there’s no place for impatience and the turmoil that it makes,

We demand that we be healed but healing takes the time it takes.

And so the more effective action is to take a bit of time,

Let Mind go about its business as it digs amongst the grime

Of a circumstance unwanted, for we still are free to choose

To select a healthy option, and we do when we defuse.

© Corinne Shields, 2016

If you enjoyed, “HEALTHY OPTIONS” please pass it on, and do leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.

And just before you go …..

A final word from ACT …..

Learning some defusion techiques can stand us in good stead when troublesome thoughts come to visit.

ACT is not concerned with challenging or changing a thought, it is not in the business of trying to stop thoughts arising.  What ACT is interested in is helping us to develop a different relationship with our thoughts, to see ourself as the Thinker distinct from the thoughts that we are creating.

When we can do this then we will be less in thrall to our thoughts, less inclined to be bossed about them, less likely to take them so seriously.  They are only thoughts after all.

ACT often uses metaphors as teaching tools, to help us to see things more clearly.   I particularly like the metaphor of the playground bully.  This really helped me to view my troublesome thoughts in a different way and to see how treating them more skilfully would lessen their grip on me.
Playground Bully

The playground is fenced in and the children have to learn to live with the bully. This bully uses threats, mocking and abusive words to upset his victims. We can’t stop our thoughts, but perhaps we can react to them in a different way, as these victims show us.
Victim 1 – believes the bully (the thoughts), becomes distressed, and reacts automatically. The bully sees this as great entertainment and will carry on targeting this victim. This is how we normally respond to our thoughts.

Victim 2 – challenges the bully, and bully eventually gives up on this victim.

Victim 3 – acknowledges then ignores the bully, changing focus of attention, and the bully soon gives up.

For more defusion techniques and useful metaphors head over to getselfhelp.co.uk.  There is some really useful information there.

ACTivation Point!

SO ……………………….

How about YOU?

What can YOU do just for today to ACTivate your life?

 Just for today I will ………………………

If you have read this far, please do leave your comments. How is ACT helping you?

I am a student of ACT.  I am on a journey.  I would love you to join me.

With all good wishes

Corinne

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ACT and Telling Stories

ACCEPTANCE AND COMMITMENT THERAPY (ACT) – AN ONLINE RESOURCE

Q:  How can I stop my thoughts driving me crazy?

A:  You can stop believing they’re true.

One of the things I liked most about ACT when I was first discovered it was the way it dealt with thoughts.

Our internal experience, ie our thoughts and our emotions, can be a rather unpleasant affair.  All the more so if we take our thoughts very seriously and believe that because we are thinking them our thoughts must be true.

When it was suggested that this might not actually be the case I couldn’t really get my head around it.  I believed that my thoughts were most definitely important and most definitely true.  I told myself some very favourite and very scary stories.  I still do at times.  When that happens it doesn’t take long before I am headed in a downward spiral.

Thanks to ACT though I am beginning to recognise when I am fused with my story.  In ACT, remember, it is not so much whether thoughts are true or false that is important as whether they are workable.  If they are helpful and moving us in a meaningful direction, great.  If they are not best to let them go.  Easier said than done?  Maybe, but definitely worth the effort.

I wrote “TELLING STORIES” to remind me of that.

HOW ABOUT YOU?

• Are you getting better at defusing from your stories?
• Are you able to recognise fact from fiction?
• What can you share that might be of help to others?

Please leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY

POEM FOR TODAY

TELLING STORIES

Maybe we’re all churned up and anxious and things are not going so well,

It’s the same old same old story, it’s the one we love to tell,

And it’s now engraved so deeply that we think it must be true,

And yet it only is a story, truth to tell it’s nothing new.

Oh we may give it embellishments to make it scarier still,

All those nasty little nuances all guaranteed to fill

Us with feelings of foreboding, even now our body reacts,

For when our mind makes up its stories, for our bodies these are facts.

And it’s really not surprising that we’re all churned up inside,

Mind and body locked together in a roller coaster ride,

And it’s not ‘til we make distance from this story of renown

That we distinguish fact from fiction, and our body can calm down.

And so next time we tell a story and our stomach starts to churn,

And our heart is busy thumping and our throat begins to burn,

Let’s remember these are signals that we’ve made ourselves afraid,

And if we know it’s just a story then the feelings start to fade.

 

© Corinne Shields, 2016

If you enjoyed, “TELLING STORIES” please pass it on, and do leave your comments.  I would love to hear from you.

And just before you go …..

A final word from ACT …..

ACT is very interested in teaching us how to defuse from unhelpful thoughts and stories so that we are more free to take steps to move forward in more meaningful directions in our life.

Instead of being trapped and held hostage by unhelpful thoughts, ACT teaches us techniques to reduce their power over us so that we are more able to act in ways that are consistent with our values.

These techniques don’t have to be very fancy.  In fact anything that helps us to create distance and see our thoughts as just thoughts, words and images floating around in our head, will do the trick.

Cuddly toys and spectacle cases are just some of the props used in a great video by Joseph Rhinewine entitled “Fusion and Defusion in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.”  Check it out and see what you think.

ACTivation Point!

SO ……………………….

How about YOU?

What can YOU do just for today to ACTivate your life?

 Just for today I will ………………………

If you have read this far, please do leave your comments. How is ACT helping you?

I am a student of ACT.  I am on a journey.  I would love you to join me.

With all good wishes

Corinne

ACT and Dealing with Feelings

ACCEPTANCE AND COMMITMENT THERAPY (ACT) – AN ONLINE RESOURCE

Q:  How can I deal with difficult feelings?

A:  Learn to watch them come and go.

One of the things I like most about ACT is the way it reminds us that we are more than our feelings, more than our thoughts.  Feelings and thoughts come and go but we, the essential we, are always here.  There is a part of us that doesn’t change, that has been with us from the beginning and will be with us to the end.

There is a part of us, ACT calls it the Observer Self, that is able to watch our thoughts and feelings come and go.  Yes, we are more than our feelings, more than our thoughts.

This is particularly important to remember when we feel the urge to make important decisions.  “Don’t make a permanent decision on temporary feelings” is good advice.  We, the essential we, will still be here tomorrow, but our feelings may not.  They are temporary, they are only passing through.

I wrote “DEALING WITH FEELINGS” to remind me of that.

HOW ABOUT YOU?

• Have you learned not to make permanent decisions on temporary feelings?
• How do you deal with your feelings?
• What can you share that might be of help to others?

Please leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY

POEM FOR TODAY

DEALING WITH FEELINGS

Sometimes we will feel flat, you know, sometimes we will feel flat,

In the great array of feelings there is no escaping that,

There’ll be times we’ll wake up cheery in a world brimming with joy,

And there’ll be others we’ll wake weary, everything will then annoy.

How we deal with all these feelings, that’s the challenge that we face,

Will we try to cling too long to some, try others to replace,

Or will we treat them all as equals, just sensations passing by,

Let them come and go quite easy, just like clouds up in the sky.

If we do then we’re enlightened, watching feelings passing through,

Not becoming agitated, but it’s difficult to do,

For it’s only human nature to avoid what we dislike,

But our feelings are like clouds, you know, we don’t know when they’ll strike.

And so we have another option, we can just accept them all,

Take the sunshine with the showers, take the thunder with the squall,

And then just watch them from safe distance, be the sky that’s always here,

And not perturbed by feelings passing, for we know they’ll disappear.

© Corinne Shields, 2015

If you enjoyed, “DEALING WITH FEELINGS” please pass it on, and do leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.

And just before you go …..

A final word from ACT …..

I am not leaving the final word to ACT today, but rather to a recent post that I read at the Wellnessworx.com  It really struck a chord with me.

The post is entitled:

Addiction Is Not What We Think It Is

Gabriella introduces a guest speaker by the name of Johaan Hari.  She explains how she had the pleasure of sitting in on one of Johaan’s workshops last year and learned of his past with addiction and how he took his curiosity of addiction to travel the world to speak to scientists and users and find what addiction really is and how it can be helped.

The video makes for compulsive viewing.  If you have struggled with or overcome addiction or know someone who has, check it out.  I am sure that you will find it fascinating.  Hari is a brilliant speaker.  I am sure that ACT would approve!

ACTivation Point!

SO ……………………….

 

How about YOU?

What can YOU do just for today to ACTivate your life?

 Just for today I will ………………………

If you have read this far, please do leave your comments. How is ACT helping you?

I am a student of ACT.  I am on a journey.  I would love you to join me.

With all good wishes

Corinne

ACT and Horror Stories

ACCEPTANCE AND COMMITMENT THERAPY (ACT) – AN ONLINE RESOURCE

Q:  How can I stop my imagination running wild?

A:  Remember it evolved to keep you safe.  Thank it and come back to the present moment.  Be mindful.

We do have wonderful imaginations.  Our imagination is what differentiates us from the rest of the animal kingdom, as far as we know.  Our ability to create word pictures, to project into the future and to conjure up all sorts of scenarios is at once a blessing and a curse.  We can anticipate wonderful events and be filled with joy, we can project into the future and be filled with worry, anxiety and fear.

This is the dual edged sword of our imagination.  We can be excited about the future or we can frighten ourselves to death.  In evolutionary terms our minds have developed to keep us safe.  They are therefore more likely to see danger lurking, they are more likely to err on the side of caution.

ACT reminds of this, and we would do well to remember.  When something happens and triggers a full blown horror story, let us remember this is the mind doing its job.  If we can resist embellishing the tale so much the better.

I wrote “MASTER STORYTELLERS” to remind me of that.

HOW ABOUT YOU?

• How do you cope with your horror stories?
• How have you learned to resist embellishing them?
• What can you share that might be of help to others?

Please leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY

 

POEM FOR TODAY

MASTER STORY TELLERS

There’s a story in the offing, even now we feel it stir,

It’s the one forever lurking, waiting only to recur

When our mind picks up a signal there is danger now afoot

And our body starts reacting, on alert it now is put.

It’s the old familiar feeling, oh we recognise it well,

As the chemicals start surging and our hormones start to swell,

This is instinct at the ready, our antennae primed and clear,

So let’s thank our body nicely but check out what danger’s here.

There’s no tiger in the bushes, there’s no enemy at the door,

Life and death aren’t in the balance, it’s a story nothing more,

And we’re learning to distinguish what is really going on,

Yes we’re master story tellers but a story will be gone

Without doing us much damage, save for hormones rushing round,

There’s no rustle in the bushes, just our thoughts making a sound,

Bits of language we’re concocting, spinning into quite a tale,

But if we do not embellish it this tale soon starts to pale.

And so let’s make a bit of distance, watch our thinking mind at work,

But deny it those embellishments that send our Mind berserk,

And then just go about our business and find something good to do

And let our story lose its impact as it simply moves on through.

© Corinne Shields, 2015

If you enjoyed, “MASTER STORYTELLERS” please pass it on, and do leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.

And just before you go …..

A final word from ACT …..

Imagination is our ability to mentally move ourselves out of the present moment.  So we can go back to the past or forward to the future, all thanks to our wonderful imagination.

And it is wonderful, or it can be.  But remember, imagination can be both a blessing and a curse.  Wonderful memories must compete with regrets; hope and excitement must battle worry and fear.

If our imaginations are running wild, driving us mad and frightening us to death, what can we do?

ACT reminds us that we can always come back to the present moment.  We don’t need our imagination to experience the present moment.  Why?  Because we are already here.  To experience the present moment we only need awareness.  And that means practicing our mindfulness skills.

It is mindfulness that can stop our imagination running wild.

For some wonderful resources on Mindfulness check out the Treasury of ACT Resources Page.

ACTivation Point!

SO ……………………….

How about YOU?

What can YOU do just for today to ACTivate your life?

 Just for today I will ………………………

If you have read this far, please do leave your comments. How is ACT helping you?

I am a student of ACT.  I am on a journey.  I would love you to join me.

With all good wishes

Corinne

ACT and Thinkers and Thoughts

ACCEPTANCE AND COMMITMENT THERAPY (ACT) – AN ONLINE RESOURCE

Q:  How can I develop a better relationship with my thoughts?

A:  Remember, you are the thinker not the thought.

If we needed reminding that, “We are the Thinker, not the Thought”, then Rodin’s wonderful sculpture, “The Thinker”, should do the trick!

When I first discovered ACT I can remember the Tutor saying this to the group, and at the time I did not get it at all.

I was so fused with my stories, with my thoughts, that I couldn’t understand that my thoughts weren’t necessarily true, not necessarily very important even.  To me my thoughts were very definitely true and important.  I was thinking them and so they must be!  I took my thoughts very seriously.

It took a long time for me to come to grips with the idea of a distinction between me, the Thinker, and the thoughts that I created.

These are not easy concepts and at times I still fuse with my thoughts and stories.  When I do that I know that I am in trouble.  That’s when the Thought Defusion Techniques of ACT are so important.

I wrote “THE THINKER NOT THE THOUGHT” to remind me not to take my thoughts so seriously.

HOW ABOUT YOU?

• Do you take your thoughts too seriously?
• Can you make a distinction between The Thinker and the Thought?
• What can you share that might be of help to others?

Please leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY

POEM FOR TODAY

THE THINKER NOT THE THOUGHT

Let’s remember it’s our thinking causes problems, that’s a fact,

But let’s not fall into the trap of thinking thoughts we think are facts,

For they are only our imaginings, and every mind will know

It’s the thinker not the thoughts themselves that really run the show.

It’s so easy to confuse it, to believe our thoughts are true,

But they’re only bits of language, strings of words just passing through,

And it helps if we can label them, these stories we conceive,

Until they lose a bit of impact, we’re becoming less naïve.

For when we see ourselves as thinkers we’re less likely to succumb

To the thoughts that we are thinking, we can watch them as they come

And then go, if we will let them, just like leaves upon a stream,

And we’re not caught up in their eddies, we know thoughts aren’t all they seem.

So we can choose to treat them differently, detach as they float by

For now we have a fresh perspective with our skilful thinker’s eye,

And we are free to spring the thinking trap in which we once were caught

Because we’ve stumbled on the secret, we’re the thinker not the thought.

© Corinne Shields, 2015

 If you enjoyed, “THE THINKER NOT THE THOUGHT” please pass it on, and do leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.

And just before you go …..

A final word from ACT …..

Moving on from the Thinker and the Thought , ACT also introduces the concepts of the Thinking Self and the Observer Self.  These are not easy concepts to understand, and yet they lie at the heart of ACT.

This is the explanation that Oliver, Hill and Morris give in their book:

“In ACT, we talk about our “Thinking Self”, Self as Content,  and our “Observing Self”, Self as Context.  The Thinking Self is that constant stream of thoughts and images that runs through our minds, almost every moment we are awake; the Observing Self is the place from which we notice all that mind-stuff, as well as every other part of our experience – both the world inside us and the world outside.”

There are different metaphors that ACT uses to try to convey the distinction.  The leaves on the stream, the waves on the sea, the clouds floating across the sky.

When we can see our thoughts as bits of content passing through we will not be so attached to them.   We will be able to stand back and watch them come and go without getting so worked up.

Just as the stream is not bothered by a few leaves or the sea pays little attention to the antics of a few waves or the sky does not get into a lather about a few clouds, we too can be more relaxed about a few thoughts.  We are bigger than our thoughts.  We are the stream, the sea, the sky.  We are Self as Context.

If you want to find out more about Self as Context then check out Russ Harris’ book

This is a brilliant book from one of the leading trainers and authors of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT).

Russ Harris has the knack of making even complex concepts seem simple and understandable.  A great read for beginners and more experienced practitioners alike.

ACTivation Point!

SO ……………………….

How about YOU?

What can YOU do just for today to ACTivate your life?

 Just for today I will ………………………

If you have read this far, please do leave your comments. How is ACT helping you?

I am a student of ACT.  I am on a journey.  I would love you to join me.

With all good wishes

Corinne

ACT and FEELINGS

ACCEPTANCE AND COMMITMENT THERAPY (ACT) – AN ONLINE RESOURCE

Q:  How can I deal with my feelings?

A:  Let them come and go

ACT recognises that we have little control over our feelings.  Our feelings come and our feelings go, if we will let them.  Too often we hang on to our feelings, particularly our uncomfortable feelings.

Why we do this is a mystery isn’t it?  Why would we willingly hang on to feelings that hurt us when we could let them go?  Why would we deliberately think thoughts that cause us suffering when we could make a space, watch our thinking mind at work and recognise that we are not our thoughts, we are not our feelings.  They are a part of us, but only a part.  We are much more than our thoughts, much more than our feelings.

ACT encourages us to make that space so that we can defuse, defuse from our thoughts, defuse from our feelings.  If we reach a point where we can detach from our thoughts and our feelings we are making progress.  If we reach a point where we refuse to be defined by our feelings we are on the road to freedom.

When we look back on our lives it won’t be how we felt so much as what we did that will be important.  This is what ACT is all about.  Acting in spite of how we are feeling, not letting how we feel determine what we do.

I wrote “FEELINGS” to remind me of that.

HOW ABOUT YOU?

• How do you deal with your feelings?
• What do you do to ensure that difficult feelings don’t stop you from taking action?
• What can you share that might be of help to others?

Please leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY

POEM FOR TODAY

FEELINGS

Let’s not be defined by our feelings, because feelings will just come and go,

So when one or another comes knocking, let’s be friendly and bid it hello,

And let’s make it a space at the table, for that’s what any good host would do,

But let’s not press it stay any longer, when it says it is just passing through.

For our feelings come by in procession, we can watch as they’re strutting their stuff,

Here comes fear who can make us feel weary, then there’s joy and we can’t get enough,

And it’s best that we stand back a little, realise they’re not meant to stay long,

Every day if we leave the door open, then our feelings can just move along.

For who wants to get stuck in a corner with a bore who just keeps droning on,

Maybe we need a gentle reminder it’s high time that this feeling was gone,

For no-one like to outstay their welcome so let’s give one another some space,

Then when feelings are ready to leave us, we can bid them goodbye with good grace.

© Corinne Shields, 2015

 If you enjoyed, “FEELINGS” please pass it on, and do leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.

And just before you go …..

A final word from ACT …..

I know how difficult it can be to defuse from difficult feelings and not let them dictate what we do.  One of the main benefits of ACT to my mind is the importance it attaches to defusion.

“Defusion involves distancing, disconnecting or seeing thoughts and feelings for what they are (streams of words, passing sensations), not what they say they are (dangers or facts).”

If you want to learn more about Defusion Techniques check out

getselfhelp.co.uk

There are some great examples of metaphors that help us to see things differently.

Passengers on the Bus, Playground Bully, The River, The Beach Ball …….

They all help us to understand thoughts and emotions in a different way.  If you are having trouble with troublesome thoughts and emotions give them a try.

ACTivation Point!

SO ……………………….

How about YOU?

What can YOU do just for today to ACTivate your life?

 Just for today I will ………………………

If you have read this far, please do leave your comments. How is ACT helping you?

I am a student of ACT.  I am on a journey.  I would love you to join me.

With all good wishes

Corinne

ACT and Self Compassion

ACCEPTANCE AND COMMITMENT THERAPY (ACT) – An Online Resource

Q: Is Self Compassion more important than Self Esteem?

A: It would seem so!

Sometimes it happens, doesn’t it?  Someone says just the right thing at the right time, or you turn on the TV and there’s something showing that just resonates with you, or you go surfing the internet and there it is, an article just waiting to be read by you at exactly the right time you needed to read it!!  Spooky isn’t it?  Or fate, or karma or serendipity or whatever you want to call it!

Well it just happened to me!  I was just surfing around and I came across this great article in the Huffington Post written by Steven C Hayes, entitled “Is Self Compassion more important than Self Esteem?”. And it had me hooked, because it seems it is!

After years of trying to improve Mental Health by trying to improve Self Esteem, it seems that, to quote Hayes,

“What if the Self Esteem discussion is like the proverbial finger-pointing at the moon?”

“It seems that new research is suggesting this may be the case, and that a new concept – self compassion – could be vastly more important than self esteem when it comes to long-term mental health and success.”

I like the sound of that!  And do you know, I have an inkling he is right.  Why?

Well it happens so often doesn’t it?  Something goes wrong, something happens to hurt us, to upset us and what do we do?  We shout at ourselves, we tell ourselves that we are fools, idiots.  At the very time when we need to be kind to ourselves we are kicking ourselves, at the very time when we need to show ourselves some compassion we are harsh and cruel.  We don’t need enemies, we are our own worst enemy.

And so, ACT reminds us at such tricky times to be careful, to be aware.  Language is very powerful.  Because we are human beings we are verbal beings and we can use language to hurt ourselves or to help ourselves.  When we are hurting inside it is all too easy to turn on ourselves, to berate ourselves, to make things much worse.

Learning to accept ourselves, to be kind to ourselves is so much more effective. And we can start by replacing those harsh and cruel words with words of loving kindness.

I wrote “WORDS OF LOVING KINDNESS” to remind me of this!

HOW ABOUT YOU?

• How good are you at being good to yourself?
• Are the words that you say to yourself words that you would like to hear?
• What can you share that might be of help to others?

Please leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.

TIP FOR TODAY

 

POEM FOR TODAY

 

WORDS OF LOVING KINDNESS

Inside of us we’re children still, e’en though it’s buried deep,

For despite all our achievements early memories we keep

Of the times when we were vulnerable, uncertain and afraid,

So remember we are children still despite the strides we’ve made.

And sometimes a something happens that will trigger childish fears,

Our grown-up mask is slipping as the little child appears

And it’s time now to be gentle, and some soothing words to find,

Put our grown-ups to good use and to a little child be kind.

And so let’s not act all impatient or be critical or cruel

Turn a talk between a grown-up and a child into a duel,

But remember little children don’t take kindly to abuse,

It’s the words of loving kindness that will be of better use.

And so next time a something happens and we feel the child within

Is beginning to act childlike let’s set out their trust to win,

Not by urging them to actions that they can’t for now fulfil,

But by saying we’ll be there for them and that we always will.

© Corinne Shields, 2015

If you enjoyed, “WORDS OF LOVING KINDESS” please pass it on, and do please leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.

And just before you go …..

A final word from ACT ……….

Well the final word belongs to that fantastic article that I read first thing this morning and which inspired this post.

Is Self-Compassion More Important Than Self Esteem?

If you are in any doubt then I urge you to read the article.  Sometimes Self Compassion has had a bad press.  It can smack of selfishness, egocentricity, narcissism and all those other things which many of us have been taught are not “the right thing”, a sign of weakness.  And yet, a lack of self compassion may well be at the root of our problems.

In the article Hayes quotes Dr Kirstin Neff, one of the premier researchers in this area, by defining Self Compassion as, “consisting of three components during times of personal suffering and failure:

1.  Treating oneself kindly
2.  Recognising one’s struggles as part of the shared human experience
3.  Holding one’s painful thoughts and feelings in mindful awareness.

Given this context, the negativity or positivity of your thoughts isn’t what’s important.  It’s how you respond to those thoughts that matters.”

For an in-depth analysis of the subject I really do encourage you to read the article, but for me the final paragraph summed it up and I quote it here:

“It’s time for us to put down the idea that we have to think well of ourselves at all times to be mature, successful, functional, mentally healthy individuals. Indeed, this toxic idea can foster a kind of narcissistic ego-based self-story that is bound to blow up on us. Instead of increasing self-esteem content what we need to do is increase self-compassion as the context of all we do. That deflates ego-based self-stories, as we humbly accept our place as one amongst our fellow human beings, mindfully acknowledging that we all have self-doubt, we all suffer, we all fail from time to time, but none of that means we can’t live a life of meaning, purpose, and compassion for ourselves and others.” – Steven Hayes, PHD

Which brings us to the ACTivation Point!

SO ……………………….

How about YOU?

What can YOU do just for today to ACTivate your life?

 Just for today I will ………………………

If you have read this far, please do leave your comments. How is ACT helping you?

I am a student of ACT.  I am on a journey.  I would love you to join me.

With all good wishes

Corinne